KEEP IT ONE HUNNIT.

Been nothing, but a mess.

People say, “Everything gets easier or better with time” but if that’s true why do I feel worse than ever. Every single day, I wake up and tell myself, “its a new day, everything will be fine, you’re fine.” But that’s just lies. Lies which I’m telling myself. I can’t handle all these emotions at once. Never did I think, I would be going through all this because of one thing. People think I’m strong enough to get over this, but honestly I’m not. I’ve been putting on a smile everyday, hoping for something good, but all I’m left with is disappointment and hurt. “The strongest people wake up in the morning and put a smile on their face to get through their day.” Wrong, that’s being done so people don’t cry and show that their hurt. Well, I’m tired of pretending I’m okay. I’m tired of feeling this way. I try to move on, I try to do things to keep my busy so I don’t cry, but you know a lot of the things I love to do just reminds me of.. The smallest things are the just reminders of memories which honest to God, hurt more than ever. That thing, that “one thing”, that “one person” had made an impact in my life, let alone show me that I fell for that person more than I thought. It sucks to go through all this alone, even though I have people telling me, “I’m here for you, no matter what.” the thing is yeah, y'all are there watching me, listening to me while I go through all this, but y'all don’t know how I feel and all the thoughts which are going through my mind. Losing him, broke my heart. I fell for him more than I ever thought until now. I dropped and forgot about my past in order to be with him, to have a good relationship with him, but no. Even with forgetting my past and moving on from all those games still “karma” never paid its price. Selfish for me to say but its true. I changed for the better, hoping for a good outcome, which it did for a bit, but not long enough for me to enjoy it and express my feelings which could of changed how things ended up. I’ve said all that’s needed to be said, I’ve gave it time, but still.. To me, everyday seems to just get harder.